That Moment When

You realize no matter how much you tried, how much you hoped, how much you cried, your mother was not capable of loving you.  Not the way a mother should love her child.

bubba ocean6

Of course, it has come to me late in life, this realization, but my love for her does not waiver.  She is my mom and I will always love her.  I just know now, there is nothing I can do, or say that will change that.  She not mentally capable of this.

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About m

blessed in life. Nature lover, fly fishing enthusiast, school girl, mother, grandmother, wife, dog lover.
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6 Responses to That Moment When

  1. My wish for you: that this realization will set you free. It’s a deeply sorrowful realization, that some people are simply not capable of love, attachment, empathy, or any number of other human traits we long to see—ESPECIALLY in those *we* love—but it’s the reality. It doesn’t lessen our desire or need to connect with them, but it can help to ease the pain: it’s not that we are less lovable, but that the other person hasn’t the capability of having such relationships. One-sided love can be a gift, too, and one that doesn’t expect repayment in kind is the most genuine, selfless gift; hard as it is to accept the one-sidedness, making that choice can help us to let go of the longing for reciprocation that can never happen, and even to let go of judgment or anger, simply knowing that the other hasn’t the equipment to respond. May you—and your mother—be at peace.
    ❤ and (((HUGS))) from me to you, Maryam.

  2. This kind of revelation is both sad and freeing. It’s such a release to turn all that effort elsewhere, knowing that any change must originate elsewhere … and has nothing to do with how loveable YOU are.

  3. Maryam says:

    Thank you Deborah, it is a bit freeing, but sad, all those moments I tried.

  4. Maryam says:

    Thank you. I don’t know why it took me so long to realize this. I don’t know my mom will ever come to the realization even on her death bed, but at least I have come to some sense of peace with it now.

    I am sorry about how things went with your mom. Hugs and Peace to you.

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